Today I Miss . . .

IMG_7060_2

Gyeongju, South Korea

  • My shoes. It turns out I was too successful at making sure I didn’t overpack. I wound up bringing only one pair of acceptable winter shoes. My feet and legs doth protest.
  • My oven. It’s officially fall. That means baking time. All the baked goods. All the time. Unless you don’t have an oven. Then it means drooling over social-media proof that elsewhere around the world, there are ovens. And they’re taunting me. Taunting me, I say!
  • My family. The rapidly cooling weather (and all Korea’s fantastic options for presents) are nudging my thoughts toward Christmas. This year there will be only a week where the original four of the Layman family are all together, and it’s simply not enough.
  • My friends. Y’all. This time difference is no joke. And America’s Daylight Savings change is throwing me off more than ever! Up until now, I’ve really taken for granted the simple almost-guarantee that if I’m awake, my friends are too.
  • My coworkers. How awesome is it to work somewhere that makes you actually miss going into the office?! I didn’t know that was possible.
  • My couch. With Gilmore Girls on Netflix now (which Neil agreed to watch because he’s the best), I just want to sprawl out on the couch with a blanket and pretend I live in Stars Hallow. [As an explanation, Neil’s apartment has chairs but no couch. In most ways it works out better like that. Just not for Gilmore Girls binges.]
  • My home office. Okay, so in a lot of ways that’s the same as missing my couch. But I do have a dedicated workplace at home and somedays I just want to sit in a desk chair and work without having to buy a latte.
  • My Tex-Mex. Don’t get me wrong. Korean food is straight-up 맛있어요 (delicious). (Yes, I did just write that in Korean. Because I can!) But I could really go for an beef enchilada. Just one. . . . And guacamole. And chips and salsa. And queso. And chorizo. Maybe throw a tamale or two in there for good measure. While you’re at it, bring on the tacos.
  • My church. This beautiful fall weather needs Sundays filled with old-fashioned hymns. Contemporary Christian music just doesn’t cut it the same way.

Yesterday marked two full months that I’ve been on this whirlwind Korean adventure. How time flies. I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything. But today, I miss America (the one with Neil in it, too).

Love to all of my (most likely sleeping) readers!

1 Comment

Filed under Korea

Yoga, Art, and the Ocean (or, Why Overseas Friendships Are Awesome)

IMG_6401

Haeundae Beach (해운대해수욕장), Busan

One of the best things about this trip thus far has been Neil’s compatriot ex-pats (I couldn’t resist that word combo.) From literally my first full weekend here, I’ve had invitations from an awesome group of ladies simply because I’m a fellow “waygook” (foreigner) living in Korea. The bonds of friendships made when living abroad run deep; there’s a level of intimacy to learning how to navigate a foreign country together that just can’t be duplicated in other situations. It’s amazing to be invited into that so openly and unreservedly. So the first full Saturday I was here I headed out on a 45-minute walk to meet up with eight total strangers, go to a Korean Arboretum, and do some yoga. Like you do. I figured, I like plants. I like yoga. I’m in. We arrived, did exactly two sun salutations, and were promptly kicked out. Because, according to the security guard via a translator, “This [referring to a big field with people lounging about and running around] is not a park. It is a place for children to learn about plants.” Also known as “We don’t want you bending over in public.” And that’s fine–it’s a different culture. Things that seem fine to you may be unacceptable in your new environment–and things that are totally unacceptable to you may be no big deal in your host country (more on that later). But needless to say, it wrecked the yoga vibe. We decided to give up on health and just go back for some art time. Though the reach of my art skills extends only to drawing a tree, the time was filled with laughter, good conversation, and the sincere efforts of friends to welcome a newcomer. Which is what matters, in the end. Yoga and art night led to an invitation to go to the beach the next weekend. WELL. A girl can’t pass up that opportunity. When would I get another chance to go to the beach in Korea? So, alas, I abandoned Neil once again on my second full Saturday in Korea and headed to Busan. (He’s such a good sport!)

This trip led to my first train ride (minus the ride from the airport, but it was dark then). Watching such beautiful scenery go by, I was struck time and again by the novelty that I’m actually in Korea. 

Some of the lovely ladies and me on the train. If you squint, you can almost see rice fields out the window.

Lovely ladies and me on the train. If you squint, you can almost see rice fields out the window. (Credit: Anna Natzke)

I loved the beach at Busan immediately. The weather was spot-on, the sand was perfect (many of you know how much I love sand), and the water was deliciously refreshing. But rather than wax poetic about a beach–I mean, what can I really say that hasn’t been said a thousand times over?–here are things I learned during my first experience of Korean beach-ing:

  • Koreans* do not go out into water. In fact, it’s a bit strange if you do. You might get some weird looks. There is plenty of wading and playing in the shallow waters, but not much action further out than that.
  • Koreans** do not wear swimsuits–at least, not in the Western definition. I saw one person get wet above the knees, and she was sitting in the water fully clothed.
  • Many Korean men see no problem in taking photos of you if you are wearing your swimsuit.
    • My favorite illustration of this fact is as follows: Our newfound friend Simon was acting as photographer while we took the obligatory jumping-in-the-air-because-we’re-on-the-beach-and-are-too-pumped-to-stay-on-the-ground pictures. While this was going on, a Korean man in a full pink suit–complete with pink shoes–came up, stood beside Simon, and whipped out his phone–covered in a pink case, of course–to take his own photos of us.
  • Late September is the perfect time to go. Most people stop heading to the beach around the end of August/beginning of September, so there’s much more room. There’s also much less of the aforementioned staring and photographing.
  • The beach is the ideal place to perfect your handstands, headstands, and generally all gymnastic activities.
  • Obvious foreigners want to talk to other obvious foreigners. In my short month here, I’ve already learned the magnetizing pull of hearing someone simply speaking English.

beach jump

But lest you think Neil is getting no attention while I’m in Korea (ostensibly for him), I did come back that evening in time to meet him downtown to experience Daegu nightlife. It can all be summed up in this picture:

Yes, those are cocktails in bags. A downtown Daegu tradition.

Yes, those are cocktails in bags. A downtown Daegu tradition, apparently.

*Obviously this is a generalization. Don’t get up in arms.

**I repeat, this is a generalization. Stay calm.

4 Comments

Filed under Korea

First Hike: Mt. Palgongsan

IMG_6327 Well, it’s taken me a while to write this, but Saturday, September 13, I went on my inaugural Korean hike! We headed to Mt. Palgongsan, one of the larger mountains in Daegu, with some (new to me) friends. First of all, you need to know that hiking is a big deal in Korea. It’s right up there with taekwondo, which is the official national pastime. And people dress the part. I’m talking full-on color-coordinated pants, shirts, and jackets. And! Walking poles! I’m telling you, it’s legit. There’s generally no doubt about who’s going hiking. We got to Mt. Palgongsan around 11:15, and the weather was lovely. We wondered about for a bit in the hopes that we were headed toward the “big Buddha.” Everything along the way was decorated with beautiful lanterns, which I think were left over from Buddha’s Birthday celebrations. It made everything feel so festive and wonderfully Asian! IMG_6331 The architecture was beautiful and I couldn’t stop taking pictures of everything. It’s hard to choose what to include in here!

IMG_6316

Don’t you think all stairs should have dragon statues instead of handrails?

IMG_6325

These guys were truly ginormous--maybe twelve feet tall. And you can't see it, but they were crushing people (presumably their enemies) under their feet.

These guys were truly ginormous–maybe twelve feet tall. And you can’t see it, but they were crushing people (presumably their enemies) under their feet. It’s a little blurry because I wasn’t sure I was allowed to take photos.

We finally made our way to the big Buddha at Donghwasa Temple, and I found it so serene. This was my first experience of a Buddhist temple–or an Asian temple in general–and it was impressive. I didn’t enter any of the shrine areas; it would feel disrespectful. But I didn’t need to in order to get the effect. It was powerful just to see a holy place in the midst of nature. It made me want to go to church on top of a mountain. Let’s get on that, ATX. Shouldn’t be a problem, right?Buddhist beauty. IMG_6336 Post-Buddha we made a few wrong turns and somehow missed pretty much every trail opportunity. We ended up walking on the road all the way back down to the beginning. But not just to the entrance of the park–all the way to the foot of the winding uphill road that leads to the entrance of the park. As in, the road the bus had driven us up before. It was quite the hike just back to square 1. After some revitalizing ice cream, we decided to make the actual hike up to the hermitage. It started with an intense set of stairs, as if to tell me, “Oh, so you think you can hike? Well, welcome to Korea.” But it was beautiful anyway–the weather was perfect; we were in the shade; and at various points we were accompanied by the sound of running water. About 2.6 km later, we made it to the hermitage.

Doesn't he look thrilled?

Doesn’t he look thrilled?

Buddha carved in a rock.

Buddha carved in a rock.

Ancient pagoda.

Ancient pagoda.

Hanging out at the hermitage.

Hanging out at the hermitage.

I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t an exhausting hike for Neil and me–maybe not so much for everyone else. But it mainly pumped me up for all the other hikes we’re planning to go on while I’m here! The weather keeps cooling off bit by bit and the leaves are starting to change colors. I can’t tell y’all how excited I am to experience a true fall. And in the mountains(ish), no less!

To adventure!

Leave a comment

Filed under Korea

Well, I Live in Korea Now

I made it to Daegu, South Korea! After a ten-hour flight, a two-hour wait, and a three-hour train ride, Neil and I made it safely back to his apartment on Saturday, 9/6! *Cue the cheering crowds*

First things first. If Korean Air wanted to pay me to wax poetic about their awesome service, I would be all over that. But even though they haven’t offered (fools!), I’ll do it anyway. Y’all. This is by far the best airline I’ve ever flown. (It helped that the flight was mostly empty so I had my own row.) But from the moment I entered the plane, it was a lovely experience. Classical music played over the loud speakers while everyone boarded–and we all know that classical music levels up pretty much any experience.

Let’s talk meals. Meal #1: traditional Korean bibimbap; fruit; tea; and two glasses of complimentary wine. (The wine gave me hope that I’d be able to sleep, but no such luck.) Awesome first Korean meal!

IMG_6257

Meal #2: Chicken and rice; salad with tiny shrimp and Hawaiian pineapple dressing; fruit; roll; coffee. No wine. :( (Also, I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me to take off the foil before I took a photo.)

IMG_6259

Later they came through and handed out some snacks. The lights were completely turned off, though, so I couldn’t see what the choices were. She said one was a brownie, so I reached for that (duh). After the flight was over I looked at the package and saw that it was indeed “Real Brownie.” Good thing they didn’t stiff me and give me a fake one.

I managed to watch four movies on the flight–so obviously I got a lot of work done. Chef, The Other Woman, Maleficent, and Mom’s Night Out went by as everyone around me enjoyed about eight hours of shut-eye.  Neil has since informed me that, as a people, Koreans seem eerily adept at falling asleep anywhere at anytime. I envy them!

Finally I got my first glimpse of Asia! Don’t be too intimidated by the quality of my photos; I’m pretty professional.

IMG_6260

 

This was when things finally started feeling real. Up to this point, I’d just been taking another trip. But it really started to hit me that I was about to see Neil for the first time in a little over six months. Truth be told, all I could think of was that I needed them to turn the cabin lights back on so I could put on some makeup. A girl can’t have a reunion like that without at least a touch of mascara!

Immigration took about an hour and thankfully my bags were waiting for me beside baggage claim when I was done. It had taken Neil a week to get his bags whenever he flew in, so I was paranoid that the same thing was going to happen to me. Shoof!

Then, finally . . . it was time to see this guy! 

IMG_6263

Check out those cacti. Shout out to the Lone Star State!

Let the adventure begin!

1 Comment

Filed under Korea, Life, Love

Six Ways Not to Suck at Long-Distance Relationships

As I mentioned earlier, I’m currently in a long, long, long-distance relationship. Until mid-March 2015, Neil will be teaching English in South Korea. That means a 7,000-mile separation and a 14-hour time difference. Though it could be worse, we’re definitely talking about a less-than-ideal situation.

I’ve had a lot of people tell me that they could never do a LDR. I feel you. I thought that, too. (If we’re being honest, I sometimes still feel that way.) But I’m here to tell you that it can work! Neil and I are a little over five months in, and despite some rough patches—which are to be expected—we’re making it work. 

A long-distance relationship is like one giant, never-ending refining process. When nothing can be hidden in date nights and happy hours and make-out sessions, you’re bound to learn a lot of new things about yourself, your partner, and your relationship. But you have to be willing to learn and improve. Recognize your own areas of weakness and cultivate growth there. If there’s one thing long-distance is good for, it’s helping you realize if your relationship is worth the work or not.

To be clear, I don’t mean that loving each other is work—that’s the easy part. I’m talking about everything else. You have to work to talk to each other; you have to work to include your partner in your life; you have to work to stay connected. It’s okay if you find that you simply don’t want to work that hard (which probably means it’s time for the relationship to end). But, if you do, I have some tips to help make an LDR easier on both of you.

1. Get on the Same Page.

To start, you both need to understand why the transition to long-distance is necessary. Is it unavoidable or is it voluntary? If it’s voluntary, discuss why you or your significant other feels it needs to happen. Everyone knows that LDRs are challenging; that’s why it’s so important to understand why you’re doing what you’re doing. For us, there are myriad personal reasons—from finances to personal growth to the pursuit of adventure. Keeping those motives in mind can make a world of difference in your perspective and perseverance.

2. Establish Your Expectations.

The time before someone leaves can be chaotic—especially if it’s an overseas move. But despite all that, prioritize sitting down and discussing each person’s expectations of the upcoming situation. Obviously things will be different than they have been; you’ll have to find a new normal. What do each of you envision that to be? What is most important to you? What are some areas in which you tend to struggle now? They will likely be amplified when you’re apart. How will you handle conflict when it inevitably comes? (If you’re not good at discussing your problems, now is the time to learn!)

3. Relax Your Expectations.

Chances are reality will be different than you expected. You both have to be willing to adjust. Before Neil left, we planned to talk for fifteen minutes every day. That worked for one week, but it turned out that it just wasn’t practical. I had to relax my expectations and learn to be more flexible. (It might have taken me a bit, but I think I’ve gotten the hang of it now!) Once I adjusted my expectations to fit what was realistic, I found myself more content with the whole situation.

Operating under unrealistic expectations sets up both of you for failure. Have grace and patience with your partner—assume the best of them. If you’re dealing with a major time difference, assume they want to talk to you as much as possible, but they also need sleep! It’s nothing personal; you’re just on different schedules.

Respect each other’s needs and you’ll find you’re both much happier (and healthier) individually and as a couple. Plus, everything that exceeds your base-level expectations will feel like such a treat!

4. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate.

I realize that I’m saying something unheard of here, so I’ll give you a minute to let it sink in. . . . Really, though. It’s been said so often it’s ridiculous. But that’s because it’s true—and it can’t be overstated.

You might have guessed that I’m a words person (you’re so smart!). This means that I need to talk. It’s how I feel and express love. But in an LDR, communication goes beyond that—it’s your survival. When you no longer have the option to sit and watch a movie, to kiss, to hold hands, even to look in each other’s eyes, all that’s really left are your words.

Each person has to be willing to talk even—perhaps especially—when they don’t feel like it. If you’re mad, you have to talk about it. If you’re sad, you have to talk about it. There’s no other way for your person to know that you’re upset—and there’s no other way to air out the issue.

But it’s not just the “boring” stuff. You’ve also got to flirt! You’re still in a relationship, after all. Don’t stop showing your love. Pursue each other! Have fun. Compliment each other. Leave emails or text messages for the other to wake up to. Mail letters and care packages. Send each other silly pictures; send each other pictures when you feel like you’re lookin’ good!

When Neil left, he decided he wasn’t going to cut his hair the whole year he’s away. He’s been great at sending me hair-update photos that generally feature some truly impressive curls (even though we’re approaching mullet territory right now). It’s silly, but it’s things like that that keep you connected in everyday life—and that can make all the difference.

5. Appreciate, Appreciate, Appreciate.

This goes hand-in-hand with number 4, but it’s important enough for its own bullet point. When your partner does go above and beyond to show their love, remember to tell them how much you appreciate it. No one wants to feel underappreciated. Figure out what makes your significant other feel valued and appreciated. Then do it. Simple as that.

6. Keep Living Your Life.

Don’t let your aloneness translate into loneliness. Sure, there will be times when it can’t be helped, but don’t let loneliness become your dominant feeling. If you’ve moved abroad, you more than likely have an adventurous streak. Take advantage of that! Get out there and see your new world. Strive to meet new people and make friends. It may be easier than you realize. You are surrounded by opportunities you may never have again. Even if you’re not the one living abroad, life can—and should—still be an adventure.

When we found out Neil was leaving, I made a list of things that I wanted to make myself do while he was gone—even simple things like going to a movie alone or trying out three new coffee shops. Do whatever motivates you to get out of the house.

This is the time for each of you to get to know yourselves as individuals. Don’t miss out on that because you’re afraid.

tumblr_inline_mkepcjeE1i1qz4rgp

Obviously, there is so much else that goes into making it through an LDR. But thus far, these six tips are what I’ve found most important. I’m sure that more will follow!

1 Comment

Filed under Life, Love

A Reintroduction

You know what’s scary? Writing. It’s scary to think of putting yourself out there in print and no one reading or caring. It’s even scarier to think of putting yourself out there in print and someone reading or caring.

There’s something so terrifying about recording your thoughts and feelings, your hopes and your fears, your dreams and your nightmares in the written word. What is that? It’s as if once it’s out there, it’s out there forever. Permanently branded on the memory of the universe. I don’t know why I feel that way. It’s not as though I can’t erase my writing with a couple clicks of a mouse. . . .

Blogs are weird, guys. They’re just straight-up weird. There’s a built-in arrogance that comes with a blog. (Seriously—just take a look at how many times I’ve said “I.” I couldn’t even get through that sentence without it). It’s as if I’m waving my arms and yelling, “Here I am! I have something to say and I want you to hear it! I feel important enough to have created this space on the Internet just for my own thoughts!”

Because here’s the thing: What if I don’t have anything to say, in particular? If I’m not—and don’t think I want to be—a “blogger.” If I’m not the new Julia Child or the next Martha Stewart. If I’m not married and I’m not a supermom. If I’m not a fashionista and I’m not a photographer and I have no clue how to do my hair. If I don’t spend my weekends redoing my house because—oh, right—I don’t have one.

When I started this blog three years, two moves, and one heartbreak ago, I said that I wanted this place to be an endeavor of the heart and of the mind. I wanted it to be literary; I wanted it to be professional; I wanted it to be “cotton tee meets pearls.” I wanted it to have a clear purpose. And I wasn’t sure how personal I ever wanted to get. The main purpose of Pearls was to have it on my resume as evidence of my writing.

But where’s the fun in that?

So here is a brief (re)introduction:

  • My name is Auburn.
  • As of this moment, I’m 26 years old, which is older than I ever imagined myself being. (Really. I don’t even know what to do with myself.)
  • I live in Austin, Texas.
  • I’m still an editor, though now it’s mainly online articles and such rather than books. And can I just say that I feel a ton of pressure to be extra good at writing since my chosen profession is so closely related? Glad you let me get that out there.
  • I’m in a long-distance relationship with a wonderful, compassionate, fiery redhead of a man named Neil. And when I say long-distance, I mean long.distance. Neil will be teaching English in Daegu, South Korea, from March 1, 2014 to about March 15, 2015. Thankfully, he’s the best person in the world with whom to navigate a 7,000-mile separation and a 14-hour time difference. In a mere 44 days, I’ll join him for 3 months of love, laughter, and getting lost together in a new world—but who’s counting? I definitely don’t have an app counting down the days, hours, minutes, and seconds until September 6 at 3:25 p.m. or anything like that.
  • I have been blessed with an amazing family and a fantastic group of friends—and I actually mean that! My parents have been married for almost 47 years—to each other! Talk about inspiring. I have an older sister who is one of the most talented and creative people in my life. And all my friends are truly the smartest and most beautiful people in the entire world. No one could convince me differently.
  • There is a very real possibility that I love chapstick and free things more than anyone else you know.

Well, I think that does it for key, first-date points. I still have no idea what I’ll write on here, but I know that, whatever it is, it’ll be life. And that’s worth writing about.

1 Comment

Filed under Introductory Material, Life

The Perks of Being a Perks Fan

If any of you know me–really know me–you know that my all-time favorite book is The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I love it so much for reasons so deeply ingrained in me that it’s almost impossible for me to explain it to people. I usually just wind up saying, “Here. Read it. Remember high school while you do.”

When Neil and I started dating, this was the first book of mine that I had him read–after I managed to partially recover from the shock that came with finding a boy to date who actually likes books. Having him read Perks  was definitely a (probably not-so-subtle) dating test, a “I cannot date if you if you don’t see the obvious beauty that is this book” kind of test. The result? He stayed up until 4:00 a.m. that night to finish it. And now we’ve been dating for almost a year.

I’m going to try not to wax poetic here. What I love most about Perks is easily Stephen Chbosky’s awareness of life and his way of communicating that to us. He takes emotions, situations, and struggles that we’re all familiar with and finds a way to name them, concisely and beautifully. Things you didn’t even know could be described. But he does it, and you know exactly what he’s talking about.

Given, the book is full of teen angst. It is high school, after all. But really now, who didn’t have their fair share of angsty years? And isn’t it good to be reminded of it all? If I could, I would quote the entire book to you, but that would be quite illegal, so I’ll stick to my favorite moments of soul-speak.

Perks is written as a series of letters from an anonymous boy to an unidentified recipient, and it has one of my favorite opening lines ever–one of those things that I love so much but can’t quite explain why.

“I am writing to you because she said you listen and understand and didn’t try to sleep with that person at that party even though you could have.”

(page 2)

It also has one of my favorite descriptions of those perfect moments of friendship and life where everything just . . . clicks quietly.

“But the amazing thing was that it wasn’t a bad sad at all. It was just something that made everyone look around at each other and know they were there. Sam and Patrick looked at me. And I looked at them. And I think they knew. Not anything specific really. They just knew. And I think that’s all you can ever ask from a friend.”

(page 66)

Then finally, what I feel may be the most perfect line ever, the most perfect description of the indescribable.

“And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.”

(page 39)

I’m writing this post because tonight I get to go see the movie! It’s opening night and I am pumped! Not as pumped as I was to receive a SIGNED COPY OF THE BOOK, though. My friend Stephanie worked on the movie and when she found out how in love I am with the book, she offered to try to get me an autograph and she got it! Now I have my original copy (complete with underlines and highlights from my angsty years), my signed copy, and plans to get the movie edition to complete my little collection!

Both versions! (Also a bit of a shameless plug for the fantastic book When the Dust Settled, written by Tamara Littrell and edited by yours truly!)

My autographed copy! *Squeal* So kind of Stephen Chbosky!

Now I’m off to see the movie I hope does justice to my favorite book! And sit through all the credits until I see Stephanie’s name!

1 Comment

Filed under Book Love